What’s wrong with this introduction?

I shared this with my students a few weeks ago. What’s wrong with this introduction?

“Jason! You forgot to get the drinks and the crackers for tomorrow’s party!” my mum exclaimed. Realisation struck me like a lightning. “I will go and get it now, mum.” I replied. My mum answered, “Be careful, when you go out. It’s already late.” “OK,” I said, as I left the house to a go to a provision shop.”

– It’s great that the writer started with a dialogue.
However, it went downhill from there.
*Too many dialogues in a graph! It’s as though we are reading a script rather than a story. Everything should be done in moderation.
*The dialogues do not bring the story forward. We want colour in the conversation to appeal to the readers, not mundane stuff.