My teenage son doesn’t like going for Chinese New Year gatherings. We get into fights with him and is embarrassed if we can’t force him to go for such meet-ups with relatives. What should I do? Answer: This is a tricky situation. I understand many parents see this as a tradition and as “good Chinese”, we have to fulfill our visiting duties. Let me be the devil’s advocate here. Do not blame him just yet. Ask these few questions. 1) Who are the relatives you are visiting? – If it’s someone you meet often, and you are paying respects to, you can explain to him that traditions aside, this relative has been kind to your family and it’s only right to pay due respects. Logical reasoning would be more effective than forcing someone against his will. – If you only meet the relative once a year, blame yourself first. If the relative is that important, why do you only meet him once a year and not more often? Despite being related by blood, the child would deem the relative as a stranger. Who likes to spend his valuable public holidays/weekends visiting strangers? 2) Is the relative obnoxious? Truth be told, everyone has his fair share of obnoxious relatives. Did the relative say something nasty to him before or probe into his private life unnecessarily? I know of people who believe in following traditions blindly. Simply because they are traditions. Always remember, traditions are created by men. They can be changed. I am not siding with your son, but I am asking you to also look at his perspective. I also understand the merits of teaching respect. Perhaps, you could reach a compromise. Instead of staying at the relative’s house for 10 hours, indulging yourself in mahjong while your son is bored stiff in a stuffy house (yes, please put yourself in his shoes too.), visit for an hour or two. If you need to play mahjong, allow him to leave after an hour. Everyone’s needs are equally important in a family. Let me know what you think. Have a Happy Chinese New Year for those who celebrate it. For our non-Chinese friends, happy long weekend! ☺ #thurswithwei

My teenage son doesn’t like going for Chinese New Year gatherings. We get into fights with him and is embarrassed if we can’t force him to go for such meet-ups with relatives. What should I do?

Answer:

This is a tricky situation. I understand many parents see this as a tradition and as “good Chinese”, we have to fulfill our visiting duties.

Let me be the devil’s advocate here.

Do not blame him just yet. Ask these few questions.

1) Who are the relatives you are visiting?

– If it’s someone you meet often, and you are paying respects to, you can explain to him that traditions aside, this relative has been kind to your family and it’s only right to pay due respects. Logical reasoning would be more effective than forcing someone against his will.

– If you only meet the relative once a year, blame yourself first.
If the relative is that important, why do you only meet him once a year and not more often? Despite being related by blood, the child would deem the relative as a stranger. Who likes to spend his valuable public holidays/weekends visiting strangers?

2) Is the relative obnoxious?
Truth be told, everyone has his fair share of obnoxious relatives. Did the relative say something nasty to him before or probe into his private life unnecessarily?

I know of people who believe in following traditions blindly. Simply because they are traditions. Always remember, traditions are created by men. They can be changed.

I am not siding with your son, but I am asking you to also look at his perspective. I also understand the merits of teaching respect.

Perhaps, you could reach a compromise.

Instead of staying at the relative’s house for 10 hours, indulging yourself in mahjong while your son is bored stiff in a stuffy house (yes, please put yourself in his shoes too.), visit for an hour or two. If you need to play mahjong, allow him to leave after an hour. Everyone’s needs are equally important in a family.

Let me know what you think.

Have a Happy Chinese New Year for those who celebrate it. For our non-Chinese friends, happy long weekend! ☺ #thurswithwei from Study Room https://ift.tt/3aAzAOK