My 15 year-old daughter is always on instagram and now tiktok. I have tried putting curfews on phones and even confiscated them. It doesn’t work and it has soured our relations. What should I do? Answer: Before we tackle this issue, let’s answer these questions first. 1. Are you always on the phone on whatsapp with your parent-support group or facebook or candy crush? 2. Were you studying 24/7 when you were younger as a student? If your answer is “yes” to any of the two questions, then you don’t have the right to tell your child what to do. The argument that you are an adult isn’t valid. For me, even when I am on my laptop doing work, I go onto FB every now and then, hindering my progress. In worst-case scenarios, I have to remove the wifi to focus. Social media is addictive. When I was a child, I had such addictions too. I was glued to radio then (yes, I am a dinosaur); my mum once removed my radio’s cord. (once again showing my age. Radio with a cord!) I am not saying children shouldn’t learn to focus. However, the often-my-way-is-the-best-way rhetoric doesn’t gel with teenagers because we are hypocritical if caught behaving in similar ways. Age doesn’t give us the right to do things they are not allowed to. If you stop them from smoking because it is unhealthy, you shouldn’t be smoking too. If you tell them drinking is bad, you shouldn’t drink too. If you ask them to sleep early, you should be sleeping early too. No one likes being told what to do and teens are more resourceful than you think. A parent once confiscated her son’s phone but I saw him IG stories by using his mum’s old phone. Instead of a blanket censorship, be reasonable and set rules that both you and your child adhere to. For instance, she has to put away the phone when she is doing her homework. Similarly, when you are working from home, you have to put away your phone if your job doesn’t require it. Or perhaps, there should be no phones for anyone in the family during dinner or after 10pm. Whatever consequence she faces for breaching the rules will apply to you too. It shouldn’t be just targeted at the child. Make her feel an equal in the family. Try it! #thurswithwei

My 15 year-old daughter is always on instagram and now tiktok. I have tried putting curfews on phones and even confiscated them. It doesn’t work and it has soured our relations. What should I do?

Answer:
Before we tackle this issue, let’s answer these questions first.
1. Are you always on the phone on whatsapp with your parent-support group or facebook or candy crush?
2. Were you studying 24/7 when you were younger as a student?

If your answer is “yes” to any of the two questions, then you don’t have the right to tell your child what to do.

The argument that you are an adult isn’t valid.

For me, even when I am on my laptop doing work, I go onto FB every now and then, hindering my progress. In worst-case scenarios, I have to remove the wifi to focus. Social media is addictive. When I was a child, I had such addictions too. I was glued to radio then (yes, I am a dinosaur); my mum once removed my radio’s cord. (once again showing my age. Radio with a cord!)

I am not saying children shouldn’t learn to focus. However, the often-my-way-is-the-best-way rhetoric doesn’t gel with teenagers because we are hypocritical if caught behaving in similar ways. Age doesn’t give us the right to do things they are not allowed to.

If you stop them from smoking because it is unhealthy, you shouldn’t be smoking too.
If you tell them drinking is bad, you shouldn’t drink too.
If you ask them to sleep early, you should be sleeping early too.

No one likes being told what to do and teens are more resourceful than you think. A parent once confiscated her son’s phone but I saw him IG stories by using his mum’s old phone.

Instead of a blanket censorship, be reasonable and set rules that both you and your child adhere to.

For instance, she has to put away the phone when she is doing her homework. Similarly, when you are working from home, you have to put away your phone if your job doesn’t require it. Or perhaps, there should be no phones for anyone in the family during dinner or after 10pm.

Whatever consequence she faces for breaching the rules will apply to you too.

It shouldn’t be just targeted at the child. Make her feel an equal in the family.

Try it! #thurswithwei from Study Room https://ift.tt/2udP8Yu