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Posted on April 4, 2020May 23, 2026 by Wallace

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Question: With this circuit breaker, we are all forced to be together 24/7 in a small apartment. It has just been a couple of days and you cannot imagine the amount of quarrels we have had as a family. There is one more month to go (if we are lucky). What can we do? Answer: I have no good reply for that because I believe everyone is struggling with this new rule to help prevent the virus from proliferating further. I do believe it’s always easier/better to have your loved ones in small doses but this is something we cannot control, so let’s look at the positives and the variables which we could change. 1) Set boundaries Have a set of house rules that everyone agrees with. Begin with this so that it is clear what is expected, even if you have been living together for more than a decade. a) The rules must include inputs from all parties, including the child, so it is not extremely unfair to one party. Your quirks may be reasonable to you, but it may not be to others. Example: You can request for your child to wash his plates after dinner. He can also request that you stop chatting with Aunt Macy on the phone after 10pm because it disturbs him. All family members must have the ability to set their boundaries. b) Add penalties so no party needs to nag. (which is usually the source of conflict.) E.g. If the rule is to clean up after himself, he gets punished after three strikes. Punishment could be something like a dollar fine or taking away his screen time. Something that hurts. Same goes to you. If the strike system is in place and you still nag, you get three strikes. If you repeat yourself relentlessly for three times on the same issue, he gets certain privileges eg. playing more phone games. c) Even though your house may be small, it is still important to set aside space for everyone. For instance, no communication after 10pm. Everyone can do what he/she wants. If the child (especially a teen) has a room to himself, he should be allowed to close the door without you barging in. Why do you need to know what he is doing after 10pm? 2) Learn to be less particular about certain things It’s all about give and take when living under one roof. So he didn’t finish his dinner. Let it go. So he had studied only four hours, not five. Let it go. We need to learn to pick battles. 3) It is okay to go for a walk/jog alone. I would think it is therapeutic to be away from your family members for a while. Take occasional walks (while being safe) . It clears your mind and also gives everyone some additional space. Notice I had only focused on parent-child behaviour. Remember this applies to spouses too. You could get on the nerves of each other. If you are in a multi-generational family with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law living with you, you should set the above rules for all, even the grandparents. We don’t want any Korean drama-type conflicts in this one month. While it is probably not easy, remember it’s not all about you. It is just as tough for the child, or the wife/husband or in-laws. Everyone is struggling to cope with this. You do not have it the toughest. Stop victimizing yourself for a second. See this as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to bond with your family. Show care and concern to one another and enjoy one another’s presence as much as possible. Most importantly, 1)DON’T NAG. Nagging never helps. 2) It’s not all about you. You cannot get everything you want. Living together means you have to compromise, not always get your way. There is no monarchy system in Singapore, so we tolerate no princesses/princes, no matter how young or how old you are. #thurswithwei #cicruitbreakermode #covid19 →

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As part of the weekly current affairs discussion with the secondary school children last week, we talked about the plight of the migrant workers who are suffering currently due to the spread of the coronavirus in their dormitory. Then, I saw this opinion piece on Zaobao, which got me riled up. https://ift.tt/3epZV4a Summary of a few points: “客工有聚一起吃饭聊天的习惯，有时在组屋底层用餐后，铺一张纸皮倒头就休息。只要不打扰其他人，大家也习惯了，相安无事。但我有时看到他们把饭盒和饮料罐子丢在一旁，造成环境污染很不好。 Migrant workers have a habit of chatting and having lunch at the same time, sometimes even sleeping at the void deck of HDBs… sometimes I see that they place their lunchboxes and drinks at the side, causing environmental pollution 客工的居住环境已改变不少。新建的这些宿舍，床架、床褥和柜子都是新的，床位也是按房间面积安排的，符合当局规定的标准。另外，宿舍也聘请管理人员打扫卫生。关键是，住在宿舍里的客工是否尽本分？个人卫生到不到位？用了厨房有没有收拾并丢掉厨余？用完厕所是否有保持干净？如果只是依赖清洁工人打扫，宿舍是不可能干净卫生的。 There have been improvements to the dorms. There are new mattresses and cupboards… there are hired cleaners. The key is did the foreign workers do their part in maintaining personal hygiene? 指责和批评是极其容易的事。客工宿舍病例大增，难道客工本身没有责任吗？喜欢聚集和不注重个人卫生不也是原因吗？ With the surge in foreign workers contracting Covid19, do the foreign workers not bear any responsibility? Aren’t their love for gathering and lack of personal hygiene part of the reasons?” In this Covid19 scenario, it is the best time to practise empathy. It is also a time when the ugly side of ourselves surfaces as resources run scarce. Lesson for today, my students: we must always put ourselves in the shoes of others. I love how the writer 黎仕婉 make herself sound so generous by showing how she has accepted the fact that the foreign workers are gathering or eating at the void deck. “大家也习惯了，相安无事”（ “Everyone is used to it, so we live in harmony.”) Dude, do you think they have a choice? Do you not go for lunch with your colleagues? You have the privilege of eating at coffee shops or restaurants. Most of them don’t. They work long hours on meagre pay and have no place to rest during lunch breaks. I know CBD workers sometimes nap at their $200-a-month gym which provides sleeping pods. Do you think these workers like to sleep in the hot, stuffy void deck? In my class last week, I told my students that we are all complicit. Even if we feign outrage now because of the bad conditions faced by the workers, we are hypocrites. Why? Before the outbreak of this pandemic, who dares to really say we do not know about the conditions of the workers? Who dares to say they have not seen foreign workers hurdled at the back of the pick up or seen the make-shift accommodation by the construction site which is a potential breeding ground for mosquitoes? But we did not say anything to try to make their lives better and hence we are complicit in this too. I am not saying it is not good to start having awareness now but it does not rid us of the guilt we should bear for not doing anything then. However, at this stage, if we are still blaming the workers, I think it is a tad too much. Why is this writer taking pride that the workers are given basic necessities like a clean new mattress and cupboard? Shouldn’t that be a basic human need or basic human decency for the employer to provide those items? If the writer were looking for accommodation, is a new clean bed/mattress and cupboard ALL that she is looking for? Is she okay to live in the dorms with 10, 12 or 20 others in a room as long as she has a new mattress? Can she live in the room depicted in the photo? Now, one of her accusations is that the workers are unhygienic. She is making a sweeping statement about one entire group of people with the few instances she knows about or learns from hearsay. Even for a secondary school argumentative essay, I have warned my students to not make sweeping statements. I hope she takes heed of my advice too. This is a sweeping generalisation fallacy. Another of her finger pointing includes the fact that the workers deserve to be blamed because they like to gather. DUDE. SERIOUSLY, DUDE. Are you listening to yourself? Just because you have no friends and can’t gather doesn’t give you the right to deny others the right to meet up. I don’t know about you but I meet my friends during non-pandemic periods. I do not have to gather at grass patches because I have the ability to meet in air-conditioned malls and restaurants, and they don’t. So I shut up when they do it. Let’s just say she is right that most of them are not hygienic and let’s ignore her rant about their love for gathering. Her headline for the column is “let’s not make unnecessary accusations during a pandemic.” Then why are you making so many unnecessary accusations during the same pandemic at the foreign workers, who happen to be building Singapore’s infrastructures and doing jobs locals refuse to do. Do you see the irony? In another column she wrote in March, she preached to readers to be a responsible Singaporean. She concluded with the phrase 扪心自问，which translates to “search your own heart honestly.” I will like this writer to search her own heart honestly too. When she writes such an article, is she setting an example as a responsible Singaporean? Instead of blaming the workers, can we now help them instead? My good friend Nicky Loh 盧 and several photographers are raising funds to help these migrant workers. We, especially this writer, should buy some prints to support them. https://ift.tt/3bfsbEr All proceeds (net of PayPal admin fees) will go towards: 1) the Covid Migrant Support Coalition, a group of 4 NGOs (Migrant x Me, Itsrainingraincoats, Citizen Adventures and Singapore Migrant Friends) that has teamed up to deliver food daily to migrant workers, as well as provide mental health and online learning resources for quarantined workers and 2) HOME (Humanitarian Organization for Migration Economics), which provides support to migrant workers facing termination of employment, unpaid wages, as well as inadequate access to healthcare and medical aid. This will be the Singaporean and humane thing to do. #thurswithwei (Photo credit: TODAY)