Qn: I was in N(T) when I was a student. My mother did not care for my studies. With no one to guide me, I did not do too well academically, partied a lot and only regretted much later in life. Now that I have my own child, I want to make sure he doesn’t follow my footsteps. Thus, I spend a lot on tuition for him but he just doesn’t get it. It’s so frustrating. He is so lucky that there’s someone looking out for him and yet he is not relishing the opportunity he’s given. Answer: 1. There’s nothing wrong in being in N(T). If he needs to learn at a slower pace, so be it. Sure, in reality, there’s the social stigma but that’s something our society in general still has to work on. You have proven that one can do well in life even after going to N(T), so kudos to you. 2. Your focus is on your missed opportunity and you draw parallels with your son and hope that he will not face the same challenges as you. He’s lucky to have a good mother like you. However, perhaps you can also draw another parallel too. You did not like studying. He did not too. Try to empathise this. It’s good that he’s getting all the help he needs but he should not need to fulfill what you could not. It is not fair to him for you to live vicariously through him. Of course, we want the child to do well and want to work hard with him to succeed. However, there’s no need to go into quarrels with him because you were exactly like him at his age. You should be able to put yourself in his shoes. Would you have listened to your mother even if she told you to study? What kind of advice would you have listened to when you were 14? Do that. Look beyond the academics. Find what his strengths are and help him with those too. The Singapore system might not be curated for everyone but it doesn’t mean those who fall between the cracks aren’t brilliant. For his studies, just be more encouraging and try not to have so much negative energy. In these teenage years, be the supportive mother, so he will have a friend/listening ear when he needs one. Hopefully by doing so, this builds the foundation of a fabulous relationship that extends into his adulthood. That’s most important. #thurswithwei

Qn:

I was in N(T) when I was a student. My mother did not care for my studies. With no one to guide me, I did not do too well academically, partied a lot and only regretted much later in life. Now that I have my own child, I want to make sure he doesn’t follow my footsteps. Thus, I spend a lot on tuition for him but he just doesn’t get it. It’s so frustrating. He is so lucky that there’s someone looking out for him and yet he is not relishing the opportunity he’s given.

Answer:
1. There’s nothing wrong in being in N(T). If he needs to learn at a slower pace, so be it. Sure, in reality, there’s the social stigma but that’s something our society in general still has to work on. You have proven that one can do well in life even after going to N(T), so kudos to you.

2. Your focus is on your missed opportunity and you draw parallels with your son and hope that he will not face the same challenges as you. He’s lucky to have a good mother like you.

However, perhaps you can also draw another parallel too.

You did not like studying. He did not too. Try to empathise this.

It’s good that he’s getting all the help he needs but he should not need to fulfill what you could not. It is not fair to him for you to live vicariously through him.

Of course, we want the child to do well and want to work hard with him to succeed. However, there’s no need to go into quarrels with him because you were exactly like him at his age. You should be able to put yourself in his shoes. Would you have listened to your mother even if she told you to study? What kind of advice would you have listened to when you were 14? Do that.

Look beyond the academics. Find what his strengths are and help him with those too. The Singapore system might not be curated for everyone but it doesn’t mean those who fall between the cracks aren’t brilliant.

For his studies, just be more encouraging and try not to have so much negative energy. In these teenage years, be the supportive mother, so he will have a friend/listening ear when he needs one.

Hopefully by doing so, this builds the foundation of a fabulous relationship that extends into his adulthood. That’s most important. #thurswithwei from Study Room https://ift.tt/2GV0q6P